The Mother Bever

Ok, If I’m honest this project has lost some of its lustre. Or maybe I’ve lost my lustre. I’ll try to keep chiming in as I feel like it but it’s become another chore and while I feel it is important work I need to maybe re-prioritize a little. It is hard right now. Living in a state of emergency is hard. At first it seemed so important to maintain normalcy. I had this gusto. But this is so far from normal. I think I am making the case for letting go of the things that aren’t serving me like I need them to instead of clinging to life as I knew it. Life has changed. Thankfully, we have endured only a few highly manageable disruptions but this is still unchartered territory and I am feeling it. The uncertainty is crushing. Sometimes I just have to breathe through it.

For a snapshot of the situation we are closing in on 60K deaths. Today The Atlantic published an article about the false hope of immunity testing. The majority of Americans with Covid antibodies are vulnerable to reinfection. So that is that. Trump has ceased his misinformation rallys after getting clowned left and right for his ingesting disinfectant suggestion. Today he signed an executive order to keep U.S. meat packing plants open amid outbreaks. I learned that my brother may have been exposed at his fabrication shop. And that my cousin was exposed at her workplace- she is a physical therapist assistant for an assisted living complex.

Marc and I had kind of a wake-up call regarding our finances. He manages them fully and after some things came to light with me putting a second set of eyes on it an argument ensued. We are saving money by staying home and that is good news, I guess. But with the economic outlook being what it is we’ve decided to make a budget for the first time in our married lives. That means that our hot tub plans were paused. And I’m feeling pretty pissy about it. But more accountability and transparency. Yay…

My sister had her first doctor appointment for her new baby. She had to go alone, take extra precautions, and wear PPE. She got to take a video of the ultrasound to share with Adam but we reaped those benefits, too. Her doctor advised her to continue social distancing through delivery and beyond. Grateful for a healthy baby! But that is some stark advice.

I talked to my friend Jenny for a while this afternoon- she is at her Winter Park condo and doing well. I made brownies this morning and assembled beef burgundy in the crock pot. It was a beautiful meal but I didn’t eat a bite. I started my prescription diet pills back up. I don’t know if it is a side effect of the steroids or me eating all sweets in sight but when I stepped on the scale yesterday I was like “holy shit–I’ve gained nearly 10lbs!!” Not good for me physically or mentally so I had to do something. My poison ivy is still a thing, albeit a far less severe thing. Still a frustrating thing. I’ve been busy outside… I almost have my front flower beds framed with the limestone chunks we have harvested out of the ground from all over the property. It is really looking nice. I think I have a dozen or so of the 45 tulip bulbs I put in popping up. I also refurbished 4 birdhouses and chose a tree for Marc to hang them in. I think we have decided to place an order at our neighborhood nursery for boston ferns, pavers, and a load of river rock. Next door is a greenhouse where we can grab a flat of sunpatiens. And that will be about the extent of it for this season so we can pivot to the vegetable garden for summer. The big story on the nightly news is that Pence visited the Mayo Clinic and refused to wear a mask for his little performance. Talk about shit for brains. Wow.

Thad is resisting bedtime and I’m about to lose my cool at Marc’s lackadaisical approach so off I go to be the enforcer. *eyeroll* Hopefully by tomorrow I can improve my mood. I feel like I’ve just about had it.

There has been a 10 day lapse since my last post. Life kind of caught up to me and I spent a couple days wallowing in ‘simply accomplishing basic needs’ is an accomplishment mode. But I’m back for now.

Doubled in 10 days. The worst and most important thing to establish is that the American Covid-19 death toll has surpassed 50k. It is a living nightmare playing out on our cable news. So many families shattered and heartbroken. Continuing to acknowledge that my situation is a best case scenario– holed up the comfort and safety of our home, healthy, and with our income intact. Our extended families remain healthy and committed to social distancing, too. And that needs to be noted because a small and disruptive set of citizens are protesting the “stay home” orders and that is playing out however disproportionately on cable news. Today the governor of Georgia took measures to begin reopening restaurants, hair salons, tattoo parlors, and bowling alleys. In what ended up being a humiliating back and forth of switching opinions and alliances with Trump, Kemp is essentially choosing to infect and kill off his citizens like lab rats and looking like boo boo the ass kissin’ fool all the while. At yesterday’s press conference Trump suggested that ingesting disinfectants and UV light could be used as coronavirus cures which prompted the Clorox company and medical community to scream in unison ” DO NOT DRINK BLEACH !” which concisely sums up how its going without touching on the state of the economy and potential food supply disruption and unprecedented forecasted global hunger and unemployment and the likelihood of the virus’ resurgence in the early fall ,etc. Also, there is STILL a testing shortage. So yea, um, we’re screwed and it is really scary even if you are lucky enough to find yourself in a best case scenario. To say it is exhausting and devastating is just the tip of the iceberg.

Which brings us to a quick update on the Bever home. All is as well as can be expected. We celebrated our anniversary in a small but significant way by ordering our first pandemic take out from a local Mexican restaurant. It was a real treat. My poison ivy condition worsened to the point that a call to the Teledoc was required. It was great– no copay with easy and safe access to care. The doctor called in a 2 week prescription for steroids. I did not tolerate the medication well and I’m scared up and still a little itchy. It has taken forever for it to runs its course. Lesson learned. Stay away from the burning brush pile! Another step out of new norm occurred when Marc shopped in store at Aldi. It was the weekly specials that persuaded us away from sticking to the self imposed 2 pick-up grocery runs a month guideline. We really missed Aldis.

Marc and I have nearly talked each other into getting a small hot tub for the deck. An anniversary gift, if you will. I think we are getting close to a deal. Today we are having perfect weather. We are making spaghetti and garlic bread for supper on the deck. We have a bottle of cab to open and we are planning on joining a virtual art event with my friend Daron in STL in support of her annual fundraising gala. Marc mentioned a Tyler Childers livestream happening as well. I think tomorrow we will meet up online for games with Marc’s sibs and cousins.

I’ve decided I want to send out some care packages so I plan on placing an order with Goods For Cooks for pickup. We could also really use a Rural King run for bird and garden supplies. Leaving the house still remains a source of anxiety. I’ve been doing my best to get back on the good foot by focusing on things I can do to care for myself while I care for my family… long baths, stretching, hydrating, breathing, taking my medicine. And for the love of God trying to lay off of the sweets. Daily battle. I have everything on hand to whip up a banana bread loaf and batch of CCC this weekend. Our little boys are so sweet and dear. Thad is so fun to talk with and Hartford is starting to speak– today playing outside on the deck he distinctly said “bubble” three times. We rented Trolls for them and they both love that movie. Hart’s little dance moves are so cute. He has taken a stronger interest in coloring. Thad is obsessed with being outside digging with his construction vehicles and swinging on the swing set but balances that out with begging to watch what he calls “police chases” on YouTube. It’s just some guy playing some video game and he loves it but we think it’s a little weird. Their grandmas have sent them such awesome care packages in the mail. We are really missing them.

I’ll try to think back tonight on anything else that I’ve missed to check in with in tomorrow’s post. Onward. The only way out is through.

Let me recap the last couple days. After making my previous post on Wednesday night we were trying to get the little boys to bed but a hellacious line of thunderstorms blew in and wreaked havoc. It was probably a bit too late in the game but I finally made the call to go down to the basement when the wind became unbearable. Thad was scared. We had to pull Hart out of his crib. But with no power or wifi we had no way to monitor the radar, so this was the safest bet. We sat in our Subaru, each of us with a child on our lap. Trying to keep it light and happy until things outside quieted enough to go back up. Then we got to do the bedtime routine all over again but without power. I placed LED candles in the bedrooms. Hart went without his white noise machine. Thad ended up leaving his bed for ours. Needless to say, I got little sleep. But was so grateful when the power came back on at about 3 A.M. By Thursday we learned that there were a few tornadoes in the area. Limbs were scattered through the yard. As were my flower pots. We retrieved them from two neighboring yards. Our flag pole was bent like an invisible servicemen at Iwo Jima were trying to hold it up. Once again reaffirming my fears of the pandemic emergency colliding with climate emergency.

I spent a lot of time reading through and listening to the John Prine tributes that were being shared widely. The tears still come just fewer and farther in between.

Over the next few days we made our Easter preparations. I filled the plastic eggs with tiny chocolates for the hunt to take place in the front yard. Lovingly placed the Aldi clearance toys that Marc throws into the cart and that I hoard into the boys’ baskets and hid them in the basement. Laid out our color coordinated outfits. Set a formal dining table. Marc helped me print special menus for the place settings. Thawed the steaks and shrimp and baked cupcakes. Started working on a new shopping list. Went about my regular chores. Took the kids for walks. I also learned that it was way too early to plant those seeds so good thing that didn’t work out! Stay tuned.

The news is just awful. Over 20K Americans lost to Covid-19. The state of New York alone has more infections than any other country! Let that sink in. The New York Times published an expose revealing that Trump’s inability to grasp the concept/inaction is tantamount to something criminal. It is a complete disaster. How could this happen here? Will history remember this tragedy as the U.S.A. virus? Ponder it. Are we the world power we once certainly were? Making America Great Again?

On top of all that we have to deal with the anxiety. Will my loved ones get sick? What if we need medical care? Will there be disruptions in the food supply chain? How long will this last? Do you think we are 1/2 way through? What if Trump lifts the social distancing measures too soon as he likes to threaten? Now we must take steps to save the postal service. What’s going to happen in November when it is election time? I’m really scared. But I’m trying to be brave.

U.S. Coronavirus death toll tops 12,700 is what the CNN chyron reads right now. Nearly 2k souls today alone.

I finished our family of 4 handmade pandemic masks this afternoon. Fuck this, ya know? Fitting an 18 month old for PPE because the richest nation in the world is running low. Ok.

In sweeter news, our families are healthy. I drank my coffee in the backyard while my kids played on their new swing set. Marc made amazing shrimp on this outdoor griddle and we split a bottle of San Pellegrino for our deck dinner. The kids ate really well and took long baths. As did I. Marc moved the trash barrel down to the road. Thank you to our refuse collectors that will take it away in the morning.

Yesterday, Marc went big at Sam’s Club. If my calculations hold we won’t have to resupply again until April 18th. Which also happens to be our 5th wedding anniversary. Who knows what the world will look like in 10 days. But maybe we’ll find a way to celebrate. Marc mentioned a GoldBelly splurge–they will send food from your favorite restaurant nationwide.

Our garden seeds came so I am anxious to get them in the ground! We are expecting thunderstorms overnight so tomorrow is looking good for planting. My moss rose is coming up in my vertical planter on the deck. I set my terra cotta pots out so they could get washed out with the rainfall.

I also need to start filling eggs for our Easter Egg Hunt. Yes, Easter will be much different this year and there will be sadness but I have some tricks up my sleeve so I hope we can do our best to make it really great. I’m so proud of my family. We are weathering this together.

I’m blissed out in bed with Blaze (our big, orange kitty) curled up at my feet. He has a big sore on his chin. I think I’m going to see if he will let me dab some hydrogen peroxide on it. I went from living in a first world nation “the greatest country on Earth God bless the USA!” to I probably can’t get my cat to the vet right now. Or any human to a doctor unless it is a life or death situation. Going to an ER right now would be risking death. It is so uncomfortable to lose that security that I counted on. I just did not see this one coming and it is so crazy. 😦 Anyways, we are watching the Never Miss A Sunday Show series– Widespread Panic live from Red Rocks in 2017. One silver lining from this whole ordeal is how creators have switched gears to stream entertainment into our homes. Sweet pick-me-up.

Today Marc got his mower up and running and cut the first grass of the season. We worked really hard all weekend and it paid off. The house looks beautiful and we’ll be ready to plant by the time the seeds arrive. After mowing, he came in and showered and unbeknownst to any of us he shaved his beard for the first time in 5.5 years! He recorded all of our reactions. Funny. The kids were got. And really cute! Hart kept wanting to give him kisses. He looks 10 years younger. I prefer the beard but it will allow him to get a better fit on the mask I made. I haven’t finished that project yet. Still 3 more to go.

I made a tasty dinner of buffalo chicken dip with crudites, garlic soft pretzels, and my sister’s bruschetta recipe. Marc gave the boys a bath. We have a grocery pick up order for tomorrow. One day earlier than expected but I jumped at the chance as it had been unavailable again for the last week. I do not want to be shopping in store right now. We could use a reup on fresh foods. Will there come a day when that becomes unavailable to us? I don’t know. Is sending one masked person per family out into the world for a contactless grocery pickup every 6-7 days acceptable? What is recommended? Like I don’t know. I wish someone/everyone would be very concrete and direct in what we all should be doing to save our asses. I need a list of best practices described in detail. It has been such a bungled, criminal, evil, stupid mess from the too late get-go. When I start to think about it I get so sad and mad. Right now I just need to be calm and brave and busy and as prepared and healthy as possible is what I keep telling myself. I feel robotic at times going through all my regular motions just to keep my kids routine and structure in place. I do not want them to look back on this time together as a source of fear or pain. They are so little and sweet and pure.

As of tonight we have lost close to 10K people. How many more? For how much longer? Alot and a long time is my guess.

April 3rd & 4th. For the 2nd day in a row the U.S. recorded over 1k Covid-19 deaths. As of this evening the total stands at 8,376 dead Americans. Human beings. Our fellow citizens. Babies. Moms and Dads. Grandparents. Friends. New York is anticipating hitting the apex or top of the curve in the next 7 days. Forecasting 5k people on ventilators. Will this wave engulf the rest of the country as predicted?

Last night I declared it “Fancy Friday”. I took a shower and dolled myself up in full glam–lipstick, perfume, jewelry. Marc’s eyes about popped out of his head. I’d been looking like such a scrub for nearly a month. He showered and put on a clean shirt to match me. I made homemade pizza, caesar salad, and sliced strawberries for supper. We split a 2015 Venician bottle of white wine. Slept with the windows open. It was pleasant.

Team Bever crushed it today. Currently, at 8:15 pm my house is spotless and so is the yard. Marc and I took turns working inside and out. Menards made a delivery of supplies to our driveway this morning. Marc spread a pallet of mulch. He built a paver ring around our flagpole. I picked up more sticks, tilled up the garden, and weeded the front flower beds. It looks really pretty but we need about 10 more bags of black mulch to finish the job in the side yard. Over the weekend Marc and I have both pulled a tick off of us–YUCK. In light of the CDC’s new recommendation that everyone wear a face covering for outings to prevent the spread of the virus, I made my first handmade mask by repurposing the boys’ burp cloths. Some rotary cutting and a little sewing machine action later I think I will try to finish making a set of 4 for our family tomorrow.

We are stiff and sore but the good news it is bedtime. I’m writing from bed, tucked in with my hot pad. Marc made wonderful little sliders and grilled sweet potatoes on his outdoor griddle. We’ve been Getty Challenged to recreate a work of art and photograph it to share. As an Art Historian you’d think this would be a simple task but I have a major case of anxiety/fear/stress/swiss cheese brain. Hopefully something will occur to me after I sleep on it.

We have 1 & 1/3 gallons of milk left. So that is a thing that I will need to problem solve. But I’ll think about that tomorrow, too.

Speaking of tomorrow, it will be Sunday and the 2 week mark of Mom’s self imposed quarantine. She is so looking forward to being back at home with Granny. I know Granny feels the same. I pray for their protection. I’m scared. What else can I do but pray? I feel it in the pit of my stomach and welling up to my eyeballs so I had better just leave it there for the night.

Well. Today was a good day. I mean we may all be working towards severe PTSD by the time this is over but we’re still good all things considered. I keep reminding myself that this will eventually end.

I worked in the yard even though my back is still a bit tender. I planted 45 tulip bulbs and built a little retention wall out of slabs of limestone that I collected from our property. We are expecting a mulch delivery on Saturday so I’m trying to get ready for that. I really love spring! The weather is perfect and there’s so much to do outside. We are really embracing all this extra time at home. Which brings me to the huge news of the day: Marc ordered a swingset. It was delivered. And he put it together. The kids are pumped. We have our own personal playground. I have located the skin glue and butterfly bandages just in case.

I made another good pantry supper: crab bisque with hot ham and cheeses. I documented it on my insta stories. We ate out on the deck in the 70 degree sunshine.

The news remains the same. Bad. The CDC is expected to announce new guidelines for masks so I plan on devoting some time to that sewing project over the weekend. They cancelled the rest of the school year in Indiana. Unemployment claims hit 6.6 million for this week alone. Worldwide there are more than 1 million confirmed cases of Covid-19.

Ok, I want to snuggle and watch funny late night monologues with my husband now.